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While
poker has grown by leaps and bounds in the last two
years, in January it will really be taking off. And by
“taking off,” I mean clothes as well as poker. That’s
when the first of three National Lampoon’s Strip
Poker productions is scheduled to be released on
video, DVD, and pay-per-view.
These productions were shot at the fittingly named
“Hedonism II,” a lush nude beach pleasure resort in
Jamaica. And, as the world’s premier tournament
reporter, it became my duty to cover (uncover?) these
strip poker tournaments during their week of filming.
Antes and panties.
I
know what you’re thinking: another of Max’s stupid
fantasy stories. Fantasy-like, perhaps, but all true.
Here’s how it came about.
It
starts with two millionaires who traveled the country to
major sports events, where they staged their own
promotions to raise money for cancer research. Their
final stop was the Super Bowl in Houston.
Publicizing these events were Jack Glasure and Scott
Pinsker of the Glasure Group, a national PR firm
specializing in celebrity poker promotions. In Houston,
the Glasure people staged a celebrity/sports poker
tournament, enlisting such names as Howard Lederer,
Chris “Jesus” Ferguson, Phil Hellmuth, Yanni, Eddie
George, Jerome Bettis, Clyde Drexler, and Marcus Allen.
It was hosted by Phil Gordon, and one of the players was
Kato Kaelin. His O.J. days long behind him, Kaelin has
been using his outgoing personality to build an
entertainment career, largely as a television host, as
well as working in comedy development for Lampoon. His
latest project will be hosting a TV show called An
Eye for an Eye, a courtroom comedy he describes as
Judge Judy meets Truth or Consequences.
A
dedicated poker player, Kaelin has also played in two
other celebrity poker events (World Poker Tour
and Harrah’s), and is a regular in a weekly game at the
home of his friend Jimmy Van Patten, the brother of
Vince.
While flying home, Glasure and Pinsker dreamed up the
idea of a strip poker world championship. Kaelin then
pitched execs at National Lampoon. They loved the idea.
Getting the multimedia entertainment company to do these
programs (in conjunction with Tri-Crown Productions)
automatically gave it a comedy spin. The scope widened
as the rock band Metal Skool and comedian Fred Stoller
were signed on, and other personalities were lined up
for post-production and publicity appearances.
Jamaica was chosen because the Glasure Group also
represented Appleton Estate V/X Jamaica Rum, which
sponsored Phil Gordon and Rafe Furst’s “Ultimate Sports
Adventure,” and the brand provided additional support on
the island.
Some
16 magazine models were hired as strip poker
competitors, Hedonism II comped more than 40 rooms in
exchange for the attendant publicity, negotiations got
under way with poker venues for possible sponsorship or
tie-ins, and things were off and running.
The
Lampoon then hired Barbara Enright as technical adviser
(on poker, not stripping). Enright has three World
Series bracelets and is the only woman to make the
final table in the WSOP championship event. But,
she is most famous for being my sweetie. She broke the
news that I was invited to come along.
“A
nude resort?” I asked, trying to sound reluctant. “Will
I have to take my clothes off?”
“In
your case, that won’t be any big thing,” she responded.
Ignoring the crack, I asked what I needed to pack.
“Just a blindfold and leash,” she informed me.
Before leaving for Jamaica, we met with Mick Betancourt,
the movie’s scriptwriter, and Suzy, a young woman who
would be playing the dealer. Betancourt explained that
each strip poker game would have six girls, each of whom
would be wearing five items of clothing. OK — so far, so
good. But then we learned the games were to be played
with chips, and Barbara had to devise the rules. How the
hell do you play with chips? Strip poker has always been
simple: lose a pot and take off something. We scanned
the Tournament Directors Association rulebook, but there
was nothing about strip poker.
Finally, a novel concept was devised that will
revolutionize the game. Playing no-limit hold’em with
escalating blinds, each player would start with $1,500
in chips and could rebuy — not with money, but by giving
up an article of clothing, even in the middle of a hand.
Different articles would be worth differing amounts. A
bra, for example, could be exchanged for a lot more
chips than a pair of sandals. The winner of the cash
prize in each of the three tournaments would be the girl
who ended up with all the chips. Therefore, it would be
possible to have several girls completely au naturel,
but still in action, which is exactly what eventually
happened. And any girl losing all of her chips would
then have to remove any and all items she still had
left. After losing all of her chips and clothes, each
girl would then dive into a pool and swim to Kato’s
“guest house” to be interviewed.
While I’m sure these productions will get a rise out of
its male audience, I doubt that the concept will be
adopted at major poker tournaments. Who, after all,
would pay to see Chris Moneymaker or Eskimo Clark strip
naked and dive into a pool?
As
Betancourt fleshed out the script, he made Stoller a
fish out of water enjoying guilty pleasures at Hedonism
II, desperately trying to hide his true destination from
his mother. In one sequence, he leaves her an answering
machine message saying he’s in Cleveland for a gig, at
the library doing research, only to have a crowd yell
out, “Show us your boobs.” After several such mishaps,
Stoller’s character is mortified to have his recently
widowed mother show up as a guest at Hedonism II, where
she introduces him to his “new father,” a muscular
Jamaican she calls “Secretariat,” because parts of him
are of equine caliber.
Anyway, with cast and crew and 12 cameras lined up for
this poker/comedy/musical extravaganza, we’re ready to
fly to Jamaica. |
