Still smarting from getting knocked out of the Texas
Holdem party I hosted last Friday night -- not once,
but twice -- I opened an e-mail yesterday.
The writer identified himself as Robert and said he
was a 53-year-old county resident.
"The reason I am writing you is to bring to your
attention a serious problem that is festering in our
communities and it seems that no one I have ever
talked to about it even realized it. Our children
..are becoming very close to the game of POKER.
(Texas Holdem)."
Tell me about it, Robert. It isn’t just the kids.
I mean, Friday night I get wiped out of the big
game by the wife of a friend who slow plays a pair
of pocket aces and then shoves them up my nose when
I go all in with a lousy pair of queens.
Then I go to the losers table where, after getting
everyone else out, I flop aces and fives only to
have the only other guy left standing (some doofus
named William Bender) catch a set of 8s on the turn.
Please!
Not only that, but instead of drinking the Yuengling
in the quarter keg I lugged over from County
Beverage, I wake up Saturday morning to find all my
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale gone. Bastards. Make that
festering bastards. (I don’t include Bender in that
characterization -- he brought his own beer and he
had the decency to apologize for catching that third
8.)
Anyway, after all that flashed through my head, I
read on.
"My son has stolen $3,800 from me," Robert
continued, "by removing my debit card from my wallet
while I slept."
He blew it all playing Texas Holdem online.
Immediately, I felt better. I lost $30 at my poker
game, not including what I shelled out for hot dogs
and beer. But $3,800 is nothing to sneeze at,
especially for a self-employed repairman.
When I caught up with Robert yesterday, he was on
his way to the police station to file charges
against his 16-year-old son.
He said the stealing started two years ago. The
first time, it was around $775. The kid promised to
pay that back, but then did it again. And again.
That first time, he called his bank to see if they
could do anything for him. He was told no. He
changed banks. And when it happened this last time,
his banker told him they’d refund the money, but
first he had to file charges against the kid.
Robert says he will. He says it’s not about the
money.
"I’ve got to save this kid’s life," he said. "He’s
hell bent on this. He thinks he’s going to Las Vegas
someday and be rich. He’s not going to be able to
cover a bet one day and he’s going to end up in a
garage somewhere with broken legs or shot in the
head."
Is he being melodramatic? A little.
Robert said he and the kid’s mom divorced in 1997.
The poker playing started at her house until she
"threw the computer in the street." After that, the
kid played at his house.
After the first incident, he threatened his son, but
it didn’t work.
"You can’t do anything to me," he says the kid told
him. "I’m 16 and in high school."
He let it go. Now, it’s out of control. So it stops
here. He’s filing charges.
"It will be the first step in trying to make him
understand," Robert said. "He doesn’t do anything
else anymore. His grades are failing in school. He’s
a smart kid but he’s using his brain for something
else ..
"He sees the pile of money being pushed in front of
that man on TV (at the World Series of Poker) and he
gets excited. He says ‘watch this, dad.’ He wants me
to be interested. I don’t want to be interested. I
have tons of things to do."
Most of them have to do with working for a living.
Robert says he wants other parents to know about the
dangers of Texas Holdem, especially online.
Me, I can vouch for the dangers of Texas Holdem at
my house.
The other players not only beat you, their wives
beat you. And then they raid your refrigerator for
your best beer.
Look at it this way, Bob: At least the kid isn’t
drinking.
Our own Josh Cornfield gave up beer months ago so he
could concentrate better on poker. Friday night, he
took everybody’s money.
After the game, we broke his legs.
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