TEXAS HOLDEM ONLINE POKER

For instance, you could say there are two types of men in this country: those who "happened to tune into this past weekend's Women's Final at Wimbledon because an exciting young dark horse was looking to upset Serena Williams," and those who wanted to spend three-plus hours ogling the hottest pair of legs this side of Moscow.

Both groups watched for the same reason, but only one admitted to it. I know I didn't suddenly take interest in anything tennis related outside of how Maria Sharapova shook her moneymaker in a skirt, and the fact I'm willing to hone up to such transgressions means I'm probably not a man suited to address morality.

But on Tuesday afternoon, there it was: a countdown ticker running below the 6 p.m. EST edition of SportsCenter heralding the remaining minutes and seconds until the premiere of the 2004 World Series of Poker. Here was the network's flagship program in its highest-rated timeslot having its thunder usurped by a ticker for...card games. The Lakers' coaching situation, Shaq in free agency, the Marcus Vick arrest, all of it seemed second place to old-West style block lettering declaring "ONLY 2:54:09 UNTIL TEXAS HOLDEM POKER."

Such a gaudy advertising device is normally reserved for major events - like actual sports - but don't tell ESPN that. While watching someone play cards on TV might not sound appealing, it apparently is. Poker, specifically a collection of the world's best Texas Holdem players convening in Las Vegas to battle in No Limit Texas Hold 'Em (if you don't know, ask a frat guy), has become the new American past time in cable television. After the network aired 12 hours of coverage from the 2003 World Series, ESPN saw a ratings spike unlike anything outside of their major sports coverage, and in turn re-aired the installments almost weekly.

The resulting effect was one of cult celebrity for the game and its players, but the show's success is only a barometer of gambling's newfound hold on pop culture. Everywhere you look, No-Limit Poker is in the mainstream. Actor Ben Affleck won the California State Championship. How-To guides for No Limit and other forms of poker are flying off the shelves. The Bravo network, normally known for its very non-heterosexual male programming, launched "Celebrity Poker Tour," wherein B-rate sitcom stars gamble for charity. Even the par-quality poker film "Rounders" is seeing a first rate re-release on DVD to try and capitalize on the fad. Even the Travel Channel has poker programming.

And then there's the collegiate scene, which has seen the lazy Sunday night poker game raise its participation, interest, and, most alarmingly, its stakes. College students, specifically upper class white males (Ole Miss has a few of those) are dropping larger and larger amounts of money on the tables these days. Add into the mix casinos within a two-hour drive, and problems mount. Don't tell these would-be card sharks that. They're on a mission to be the next great Texas Holdem poker legend.

Therein lies the allure and the problem. In poker, the American spectator has suddenly found a sport that defies all physical capability because there is none at all. Chris Moneymaker (the 2003 champ) makes Davis Love look like Javon Kearse. The best poker players in the world are the ones who are calculating, cunning and perceptive, not fleet of foot.

American viewers, especially affluent young men, think, "Hey, I can do that," and take to the Texas Holdem tables. Isn't that a contradiction of what we hold sports to be? I cover football with respect and awe because I'm aware that even on the collegiate, hell, high school level, I can't even complete a screen pass.

We watch Michael Vick and Barry Bonds do what's considered nearly impossible: physical feats of grace and power on level playing fields where (ideally) the goal is to win for the purpose of being the greatest at a game, thus inspiring others. Dress it up however you'd like, but poker is a game played for money. Glory, fame and distinguished talent are minor byproducts. Ultimately, the only thing we're watching in a poker game is the money move around.

I'll digress only to ward off rebuttals that major sports are also soaked in money. That's understandable, but at least in the NFL there's an actual sporting event involved. Sure, every sport has its moral bankruptcy these days. In the past 10 days a Tennessee tight end assaulted a professor in the student union, three FIU players were arrested for armed robbery and Michael Vick's little brother (once Virginia Tech's projected starting QB) is facing his third misdemeanor of the off-season. And that's just college football. Ask me to rattle off NBA transgressions, and I'll get carpal tunnel.

Despite the sins in and around sports we revere, is that enough for us to raise up a game that's designed to deceive for financial gains? Talk about not producing a Dale Murphy or Larry Bird for kids to look up to; something says poker will never put a star on a box of Wheaties. Maybe a box of Marlboros.

But these are just issues of morality, and I'll draw the conversation short. I have to finish downloading the remaining women's tennis schedule for the year. See ya at the Acura Classic in two weeks.